This adoption process has been an incredible journey. There are many highs, many sacred blessings along the way, but there are also many hurdles and struggles as well. We have experienced such exceeding joys and such immense heartache. Adoption is an emotional roller coaster!
About 3 weeks ago, I went to the USCIS (United States Citizenship Immigration Services) office to try and move up our fingerprinting appointments so we could have all the necessary paperwork done and secure a June court-date. (In Uganda, courts close in July.) God had previously let us know that we needed to get our son home as quick as possible. (Not sure the reason why, just a distinct impression.) So, I went into their office and asked very politely if we could move up the appointment. I was met with disdain and treated very unfairly. I was heartbroken! I cried (actually sobbed) and my dreams of getting him home sooner rather than later seemed to be crushed. I poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father and told Him I needed yet another miracle. I knew He could. We decided that we would try this again and go in the next week.
So the next Monday, we all went down (my husband and I and my son) to the USCIS office once again. This time the same lady was very nice and allowed us to join another group going in for their fingerprinting. This would have been enough of a miracle, but the story doesn't end there. When they called us back to fingerprint and they were getting our information, they asked for our Social Security Numbers. ( It wasn't on the USCIS appointment paper to provide your SSN, so we didn't bring ours.) Of course, my husband and I have our SSN memorized, but my 18 year old son (if you have a child over 18, they have to fingerprinted too) didn't have his memorized. He remembered that I had text his SSN to his cell phone (for a school form) only a couple of days ago. He asked if he could go to his car and get it. They gave him permission, but when he got to the car, he remembered he had deleted it because it was sensitive information. He sat in the car for a couple of minutes, praying, and then he said the numbers just came to his mind! He went back in and told them all the numbers and in order! Two miracles in one day! My joy was beyond description. We had witnessed more miracles and we were rejoicing in it.
Then last week, we had some very negative feedback from a couple of people who didn't think we were doing the right thing with this adoption. I was not only sad, but found myself feeling angry. (Boy did I see the "Mama Bear" come out in me!) I had to work through some tough feelings and have since had to let it go. Another ride on the emotional roller coaster!
This week we got a court date and I was elated, although I can't give specifics as to the exact date, it was perfect timing! I was so excited! Then during my phone conversation with our agency, I was told I needed to fly out early. I needed to fly to Africa ALL BY MYSELF! (Steve will fly out 8 days later.) I quickly turned from intense elation to feeling completely overwhelmed and stressed. I will write more about this whole experience another day, but needless to say, I was struggling and crying. I was scared.
I expressed to my husband how my emotions have been so crazy and so up and down during this whole process.. He said it was as if I was pregnant. I laughed when he said that, but, as I thought about that idea this week, I realized that God was indeed providing me with a unique opportunity. He was providing me with an opportunity to bond with my son through an "artificial pregnancy." I am feeling all the up and down emotions which naturally come with a pregnancy. I have the opportunity to really worry about our son, plead for him in prayer and learn to really love him BEFORE I meet him. Isn't that what we do in pregnancy? We pray and dream and worry and thus we bond with that baby BEFORE we ever meet them. I was bonding with my Ugandan son! I am so grateful for the opportunity God has provided me to love our son and pray for him, dream about him, worry about him and struggle for him and thus bond with him. God has amazing ways to provide for our needs. I am so grateful for this bonding process. :)